Her smile said it all. Despite the countless surgeries, tests, treatments and trials she endured, Mary Stegmueller remained a vibrant beacon of childlike joy and ironclad resilience until her very last moments here on earth.
After a years-long battle with a rare form of brain cancer known as Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG), sweet little Mary passed away earlier this year on March 4 in the arms of her mom, Kristin, and dad, Bobby, at their home in Northglenn. She was seven years old.
“In Mary’s too short seven years on this Earth, she lived life and experienced more than most do in a full lifetime,” her obituary read. Indeed, despite her diagnosis, Mary was a little girl with a big heart who was full of life and made a lasting impression on everyone she met.
Mary was beloved by her school community at Frassati Catholic Academy in Thornton. As Mary and her family struggled with the realities of her disease, the school rallied around them and offered them all the support they could muster, from fundraisers to meals and everything in between. This support from Frassati and the wider Catholic community was a lifeline for Mary and her family and helped to sustain them during the 40 months of Mary’s fight.
“They were our home team support,” Kristin told the Denver Catholic. “They were all silent helpers who we wouldn’t ask for help from and they would just know what we would need, or if we didn’t even know what we needed, they would come and bring it. We couldn’t have asked for more support.”
A couple of nights before Mary passed away, the community organized a prayer vigil outside the Stegmueller home.
“Mary could hear them out there singing and praying, and she was so excited about it,” Kristin recalled. “We would show her on our security camera so that she'd be able to see it. It was a hard night. We had to call in the nurse to come assess her breathing and give her treatments because she was having a really hard time, and it definitely made it easier for her to know there were so many people out there praying for her.”
A witness of faith
Even at such a young age, Mary had a deep faith. She received Confirmation and First Communion under special circumstances shortly after her diagnosis. She also received the Anointing of the Sick numerous times during her 40-month battle due to all of the surgeries, treatments and procedures she underwent.
Mary’s faith inspired her classmates at Frassati to participate more in Mass and encouraged some students to prepare to receive First Communion. She even allowed her second-grade class to witness one of her anointings.
“A few little stories I've heard have been from school where kids that weren't very interested in going to church or receiving Communion saw Mary getting it and really wanted to do it as well, and they worked towards getting their First Communion and were so excited because they were receiving Communion like Mary did,” Kristin said.
Mary also taught students about the gift that life is and the importance of spending time together. The topic of death is not something young children generally think about, but in witnessing the trials that Mary endured, the school community became more tight-knit and recognized how important it is to be together as a community and support one another through hardships.
“Watching the kids, it almost feels like they got closer to each other at the school and really valued their time together. They started to understand that you're not guaranteed 70 to 90 years, and you've got to be friends with everyone and really support each other,” Kristin shared.
The DIPG Princess
Mary was known for calling herself the “DIPG Princess,” and she lived up to that title as she battled this terrible disease. DIPG is diagnosed in approximately 200-300 children aged 5-10 every year, and the typical survival time is 8 to 12 months after diagnosis. Mary counted herself among the less than 10% of children who live more than three years after diagnosis. Thanks to Mary’s and her parent’s resilience and their willingness to push doctors to try new treatments, children with DIPG may have a better shot of living longer. “Within the cancer community, we're seeing a shift to kids trying new things and living longer, and a lot of them have attributed that to seeing what Mary's gone through,” Kristin said. “With Mary, we constantly pushed doctors to try something else, and we've seen some stuff start to come out of that that might make life last longer for these kids, which is huge.” Mary and her family had to travel to Stanford University in California quite often for the trial treatment she was undergoing. In an effort to honor Mary and support other families who are enduring a DIPG diagnosis, Kristin will be working with a foundation to help aid them. “We are starting up research that I'll be heading to fund here in Colorado because all the trials really are on the coasts, and the middle of the country needs something for kids with this because we have some of the biggest numbers of kids that end up with this kind of cancer,” Kristin explained. “Colorado's got one of the leading DIPG specialists here, but none of our treatment options are very good. So, we're focused on getting people to be able to be closer to home.” It’s just one way that Kristin and Bobby are trying to make something positive out of an unspeakably difficult tragedy. “We've been through it, and no family should have to, so if we can find even little ways to help, it's huge,” she said. Another of the many positive impacts Mary’s life had was the creation of a foundation named in her honor to help those who are fighting the same battles she did.
"[Mary's Magical Moment] was actually started by some people that simply heard Mary's story and helped her get to Disneyworld when Make-A-Wish wouldn't," Kristin said. "They fell in love with her and wanted to help these kids, so they actually started it. I'm on the board, and I help with it, but [they were] total strangers we didn't know from Montana, and they've become family since."
“The whole foundation supports any kids that need assistance with any bills or getting to treatments or getting home from treatments, and every year, we also take at least one kid and their family all-expenses-paid to Disneyworld in honor of Mary.”
Checking in from Heaven
Mary left behind her little brother Robbie, with whom she was very close. During the last few years of her life, she voluntarily shared her room and bed with him because they wanted to be together. Even though Mary is no longer here in body, she still makes her presence known in ways both big and small. One of the more notable ways her spirit lives on is through her baby brother Max, born at the end of June. Mary approved his name before she passed, and his middle name, Bryan, is an homage to Luke Bryan, her favorite country artist whom she met last year when his tour rolled through Denver, partly thanks to the Denver Catholic.
“We've got those little signs she's still around and still checking in,” Kristin shared. “Max is a good indicator of that.”
Mary will forever be a part of the community at Frassati Catholic Academy. The school dedicated its Mary Garden to her, and a picture of her precious smiling face proudly hangs in the school’s lobby. Her classmates at Frassati also get little signs that she’s still with them from time to time.
“She was very into dragonflies, and when the kids were doing field day at school this year, there were two dragonflies that kind of hovered over Robbie's class and followed them around outside field day the whole time,” Kristin said. “The kids and teachers were all expressing, ‘Mary's here making sure the school's okay and everyone's here. Mary was riding the dragonfly chariot.’”
One of Mary’s signature lines was “We shall see…,” which she said usually before she was about to do something mischievous. Providentially, it’s also a fitting send-off for her because though the Lord took her home far too soon, the Stegmueller family and all who knew and loved Mary can rest in the hope that faith in Jesus brings, and indeed, they “shall see” her again one day.
Mary’s life was rife with meaning and purpose, and Kristin is honoring her daughter’s life by carrying on her witness of faith, joy and resilience by helping those children who are suffering from the same disease that claimed her life. “She would say to never give up. Whatever you're facing, don't ever give up. Always fight. She did that until her last second. She put up a really good fight, but her body was just too far gone,” Kristin concluded. “Always fight and remember her as the fun, mischievous but really amazing girl and not the sick little child, and remember the other kids that are out there battling this disease.”
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